In Confidence with Lisa Sun: A Gravitas Podcast

Episode 66: How to Stop Avoiding Conflict and Start Having Tough Conversations

You tell yourself it is not worth it. You let it go. But then you replay the conversation in your head for days. That is not peace. That is avoidance. And avoidance has a cost.
 
In this episode of In Confidence, Lisa shares practical steps to stop avoiding conflict and start having the conversations that will actually move your relationships, your life and your career forward.
 
In this episode you will learn:
Why your brain is wired to avoid conflict and why it is not your fault
How to reframe conflict as clarity instead of confrontation
The micro conflict practice that rewires your brain to stop seeing conflict as danger
How to separate discomfort from danger so you can finally speak up
 
What would change if you finally had the conversation you have been avoiding?
 
⁠Download the free PDF guide⁠ to stop avoiding conflict
 
00:00 Intro
03:09 Why We Avoid Conflict
07:24 Reframing Conflict as Opportunity
10:36 4 Steps to Stop Avoiding Conflict
20:16 Lisa's Power Move and Shoutout
 
Connect With Us So You Never Miss a Moment of Inspiration:   
 
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Suggestions or Questions? Email Us. 

Episode 65: 3 Steps to Stop Letting External Validation Control Your Life

The praise, the promotion, the applause. External validation feels good and that is completely human. But when your worth depends on whether your boss approves, your post gets likes, or the award comes through, you are chasing a goalpost that never stops moving.
 
In this episode of In Confidence, Lisa breaks down why so many of us are dependent on external validation, where it comes from, and the three steps to build an internal scorecard that puts the power back in your hands. In this episode you will learn:
The three components of external validation that are keeping you stuck
The difference between healthy ambition and emotional attachment to outcomes
Why your gravitational pull to results is making you miss your actual life
How to replace your inner critic with something more powerful
A three-part rewiring practice to start building an internal scorecard instead of chasing applause
Put down the measuring stick and let's build a scorecard on your own terms.
 
Download our PDF to stop living for other people's approval
 
00:00 Intro 
01:15 The Deal with External Validation 
04:47 Put Down the Measuring Stick 
06:24 Ambition vs. Attachment 
11:07 The Gravitational Pull to Results 
18:07 How to Break the Cycle 
18:47 Step 1 - The High Performance Reframe 
22:01 Step 2 - Deploy Your Superpowers 
25:03 Step 3 - Build Your Internal Scorecard 
27:57 Lisa's Power Move and Shoutout 
 
Connect With Us So You Never Miss a Moment of Inspiration:   
 
Visit Our Website   
 
Get Our Best-Selling Book in Paperback   
 
Follow Gravitas on Instagram   
 
Follow Lisa on Instagram   
 
Connect with Lisa on LinkedIn   
 
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Follow Gravitas on Substack 
 
Suggestions or Questions? Email Us. 

Episode 64: The 2 Questions That Will Help You Stop Being a People Pleaser and a Perfectionist

Do you say yes when you mean no? Do you hold back your work until it feels perfect, even though it never does? People pleasing and perfectionism might feel like two different problems but they come from the exact same place: fear. 
 
In this episode of In Confidence, Lisa sits down with bestselling author of Unlearning Silence, TEDx speaker, and former Harvard Law School lecturer Elaine Lin Hering to unpack where these patterns come from, why they are so hard to break, and what to actually do about them.
 
In this episode you will learn:  
Why people pleasing and perfectionism are rooted in the same fear
The difference between being a generous collaborator and a people pleaser who is quietly burning out
Two questions to ask yourself when you have lost touch with what you actually want
How to share your perspective at work without feeling like you are overstepping
A low risk experiment you can try today to begin unlearning both patterns  
 
You have been solving for everyone else. It is time to put yourself back in the equation.
 
⁠Download our free PDF guide⁠ to stop being a people pleaser and perfectionist.
 
⁠Learn more from Elaine Lin Hering⁠
 
⁠Buy Elaine's Book, Unlearning Silence⁠
 
00:00 Intro
03:37 The Real Cost of People Pleasing
06:16 Why Perfectionism Keeps You Stuck
10:54 Meet Elaine Lin Hering
17:50 How to Stop Being a People Pleaser and a Perfectionist
21:59 The Difference Between Collaboration and People Pleasing
23:21 Ask Yourself These Two Questions
26:40 Own Your Perspective 
29:10 Measure Your Own Success
32:29 Try a Low-Risk Experiment
34:27 Lisa's Power Move and Shoutout
 
Connect With Us So You Never Miss a Moment of Inspiration:   
 
Visit Our Website   
 
Get Our Best-Selling Book in Paperback   
 
Follow Gravitas on Instagram   
 
Follow Lisa on Instagram   
 
Connect with Lisa on LinkedIn   
 
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Follow Gravitas on Substack 
 
Suggestions or Questions? Email Us. 

Episode 63: What to Do When You're Left Out of Strategy and Someone Talks Behind Your Back (Part 2)

Have you ever felt trusted to get the work done but never included in the decisions that shape it? Or discovered that someone at work has been talking behind your back and had no idea what to do next? Before this season launched, Lisa asked you to send in your real work problems. Now she is answering them directly.
 
In Part 2 of the Work Problems series, Lisa tackles two of the most personal challenges you sent in, drawing on hard earned lessons from her own career and a book she is currently writing on trust and betrayal. In this episode you will learn:
How to move from being seen as an executor to being seen as a strategic thinker
The exact approach Lisa's own chief of staff used to become an indispensable thought partner
What to say when a fully baked plan lands on your desk and you can see what is missing
How to have the conversation with someone who has been talking behind your back without making things worse
Why trust is rebuilt in small consistent steps and what those steps actually look like
 
If you missed Part 1, Lisa covered being excluded from meetings and navigating a power struggle at work. Go back and listen.
 
For more tools on navigating power struggles and exclusion at work, download our free PDF guide at GravitasNewYork.com
 
00:00 Intro 
01:26 Q1 - Trusted to Execute, But Left Out of Strategy 
09:37 Q2 - When Someone at Work Is Talking Behind Your Back 
17:15 Lisa's Power Move and Shoutout 
 
Connect With Us So You Never Miss a Moment of Inspiration:   
 
Visit Our Website   
 
Get Our Best-Selling Book in Paperback   
 
Follow Gravitas on Instagram   
 
Follow Lisa on Instagram   
 
Connect with Lisa on LinkedIn   
 
Follow Gravitas on TikTok 
 
Follow Gravitas on Substack 
 
Suggestions or Questions? Email Us. 
 

Episode 62: What to Do When You're Excluded or Caught in a Power Struggle at Work (Part 1)

Have you ever been left out of meetings you needed to be in, or found yourself caught in a power struggle that was making your work life harder than it should be? 
 
Before this season launched, Lisa asked you to send in your real work problems. Now she is answering them directly with proven frameworks, hard earned lessons, and a personal story she has carried for twenty years. In this episode you will learn:
 
How to get looped into meetings and information without putting anyone on the defensive
The exact script to use when you are being left out of conversations you need
Why power struggles are almost never about power and what they are really about
How to stay grounded and protect your output when a power struggle is happening around you
 
Part 2 drops Friday. Lisa tackles how to get seen as a strategic leader when you are stuck in execution mode, and what to do when someone at work breaks your trust.
 
For more tools on navigating power struggles and exclusion at work, download our free PDF guide at GravitasNewYork.com
 
00:00 Intro 
01:26 Q1 - Being Left Out of Information or Meetings 
07:29 Q2 - Navigating a Power Struggle 
08:17 When You're In the Power Struggle 
16:43 When the Power Struggle Is Happening Around You
19:27 Lisa's Power Move and Shoutout 
 
Connect With Us So You Never Miss a Moment of Inspiration:   
 
Visit Our Website   
 
Get Our Best-Selling Book in Paperback   
 
Follow Gravitas on Instagram   
 
Follow Lisa on Instagram   
 
Connect with Lisa on LinkedIn   
 
Follow Gravitas on TikTok 
 
Follow Gravitas on Substack 
 
Suggestions or Questions? Email Us. 
 

Episode 61: Stop Staying Silent: How to Speak Up in Meetings With Confidence

Staying quiet in meetings feels comfortable, but we live in a world where the people speaking up are the ones moving up. In this episode, Lisa and Naeemah give you the tools to finally speak up with confidence.
 
Naeemah Elias is a speaker, leadership coach, and founder of Elias Presence Ventures who spent over a decade climbing the corporate ladder before teaching others the secrets she learned along the way. In this episode you will learn:
Why staying quiet is costing you promotions and opportunities
The two-times rule that builds your visibility without overwhelming you
How to prep before a meeting so you never feel caught off guard
The coalition building strategy that makes your ideas land before you say them
You have always had something worth saying. Now you have the tools to say it.
 
Download our free PDF at GravitasNewYork.com
 
 
Download Naeemah's PDF at GravitasNewYork.com
 
 
Learn more from Naeemah Elias: https://www.eliaspresence.com/about-me
00:00 Intro
 
01:57 Meet Naeemah Elias
 
06:04 Why Do People Say Quiet in Meetings?
 
08:15 The Cost of Staying Quiet09:40 Naeemah's 3-Part Framework to Speak Up
 
18:04 Furthering the Conversation as a Leader
 
19:50 Disagree Without Being the Naysayer
 
24:56 Speaking Up in Virtual Meetings
 
28:19 Don't Wait for Permission
 
30:43 Lisa's Power Move and Shoutout
 
Connect With Us So You Never Miss a Moment of Inspiration:   
 
Visit Our Website   
 
Get Our Best-Selling Book in Paperback   
 
Follow Gravitas on Instagram   
 
Follow Lisa on Instagram   
 
Connect with Lisa on LinkedIn   
 
Follow Gravitas on TikTok 
 
Follow Gravitas on Substack 
 
Suggestions or Questions? Email Us. 
 

Episode 60: The 3-Phase Plan When You Make a Mistake at Work

Have you ever messed up at work? Or even worse, it involves someone more senior than you? Before you spiral, over-apologize, or try to disappear and hope it goes away, Lisa is breaking down exactly what to do next.
 
In this solo episode of In Confidence, Lisa shares her three-phase plan for recovering from a mistake at work. You'll learn:
Why your boss cares more about your response than the mistake itself
The exact script to use when you need to address a mistake with your manager
Why silence erodes trust more than the error ever will
How to turn a mistake into a mentorship moment
If you have ever made a mistake at work and don't know what to do next, consider this your recovery plan.
 
Download Our Free PDF: ⁠The 3-Phase Plan When You Make a Mistake at Work⁠
 
00:00 Intro
01:29 The Problem: I Made a Mistake at Work
04:09 Phase 1: Internal Regulation
06:08 Phase 2: Address It Quickly
08:37 Phase 3: Put a Plan in Place
11:03 Final Thoughts
12:04 Lisa's Power Move and Shoutout
 
Connect With Us So You Never Miss a Moment of Inspiration:   
 
Visit Our Website   
 
Get Our Best-Selling Book in Paperback   
 
Follow Gravitas on Instagram   
 
Follow Lisa on Instagram   
 
Connect with Lisa on LinkedIn   
 
Follow Gravitas on TikTok 
 
Follow Gravitas on Substack 
 
Suggestions or Questions? Email Us. 
 

Episode 59: How to Ask for Anything Without Sounding Difficult with Dethra Giles

Have you ever stayed quiet in a meeting because you were worried about how your pushback would land? Or stayed silent about something you deserved because you did not want to rock the boat? That fear of being labeled difficult is costing you more than you think.
 
In this episode of In Confidence, Lisa sits down with HR expert, four-time TEDx speaker, and author Dethra Giles to solve one of the most requested challenges from our community: how to ask for more at work without sounding difficult.
 
Dethra shares her D.A.R.E. model, a four-step framework for conversational intelligence that works whether you are making a big ask, disagreeing in a meeting, or negotiating your way through a no. In this episode you will learn:
Why capable, accomplished people shrink instead of speak up
How to push back and disagree at work without blowing up the relationship
Why no is not the end of the conversation, it is the start of a negotiation
How to ask for a promotion, a project, or an opportunity by leading with value
The one thing you should build right now to ask for anything with confidence
If self-advocacy, workplace communication, and conflict management are areas you are working on, this episode will change how you show up tomorrow.
 
Download our free PDF: How to Ask for Anything Without Sounding Difficult
 
Learn more from Dethra Giles: https://www.dethragiles.org/
 
Get That's Not What I Said: https://www.dethragiles.org/book-me
 
00:00 Intro
02:04 Meet Dethra Giles
07:39 How to Ask for Something Without Sounding Difficult
11:09 Dethra's D.A.R.E. Model
12:07 How to Push Back Without Starting an Argument
13:07 Live D.A.R.E Walkthrough
18:47 How to Ask for Something Without Sounding Entitled
25:23 When You Hear No
28:15 Three Things to do Tomorrow
31:34 Lisa's Power Move and Shoutout
 
Connect With Us So You Never Miss a Moment of Inspiration:   
 
Visit Our Website   
 
Get Our Best-Selling Book in Paperback   
 
Follow Gravitas on Instagram   
 
Follow Lisa on Instagram   
 
Connect with Lisa on LinkedIn   
 
Follow Gravitas on TikTok 
 
Follow Gravitas on Substack 
 
Suggestions or Questions? Email Us. 
 

Episode 58: 5 Ways to Stop Being Overlooked at Work

You raised your hand. You did the work. You were ready. And somehow, you got passed over for the opportunity.
 
In this episode, we're tackling one of the most searched questions in professional development: how do I stop being overlooked at work? Lisa is joined by Jessica Chen, Emmy Award-winning journalist, Columbia University instructor, and bestselling author of "Smart Not Loud: How to Get Noticed at Work for All the Right Reasons." Jessica has taught over 2 million people how to communicate with confidence and build visibility at work, and she breaks it all down into five things you can start doing today. You'll learn:
 
Why hardworking, talented people keep getting underestimated at work
The quiet culture vs. loud culture divide and how to find your power in the middle
The pre-meeting habit that makes you impossible to overlook
How to build a credibility jar so you're ready when the moment comes
The yay folder trick that takes 30 seconds and keeps you top of mind with your boss
 
When you stop being overlooked, you stop waiting. You start getting the opportunities, the recognition, and the career you've been building toward.
 
Download our free guide: 5 Ways to Stop Being Overlooked at Work
 
Learn more from Jessica Chen: https://jessicachenpage.com/
 
Get Smart Not Loud: https://smartnotloudbook.com/
 
00:00 Intro
01:37 Meet Jessica Chen
09:05 The Power of Staying Top of Mind
14:20 A Communication Skill You Need to Start Thinking About
16:16 How to Build Visibility at Work 
18:11 Make Your Work Impossible to Ignore
20:40 Create a YAY Folder
22:20 Why Consistency is Key
23:32 Final Thoughts
28:17 Lisa's Power Move and Shoutout
 
Connect With Us So You Never Miss a Moment of Inspiration:   
 
Visit Our Website   
 
Get Our Best-Selling Book in Paperback   
 
Follow Gravitas on Instagram   
 
Follow Lisa on Instagram   
 
Connect with Lisa on LinkedIn   
 
Follow Gravitas on TikTok 
 
Follow Gravitas on Substack 
 
Suggestions or Questions? Email Us. 

Episode 57: Who Are You After Change? with Kelly Cervantes

What if grief and joy could exist at the same time? What if rebuilding your life wasn’t about “moving on,” but about making meaning out of what happened?
 
Kelly Cervantes, author of The Luckiest and Normal Broken, joins us for a deeply human conversation about loss, identity, and resilience. In this episode of In Confidence, Kelly and Lisa unpack how to live with grief without letting it define you, how to release outdated goals, and how to rebuild a life that reflects who you are now.
 
What you’ll learn in this episode:
What to say when someone is grieving, and why saying their name matters more than you think
How to let go of old identities and goals without shame
Why growth often requires redefining success instead of chasing permanence
This week’s micro-moment, Rewire a Fail: how to review setbacks with compassion and turn them into learning
Whether you’re grieving, changing direction, or quietly wondering who you are becoming, remember that change is not a failure. It’s part of how we grow.
 
Get your copy of The Luckiest
 
00:00 Intro
00:51 Meet Kelly Cervantes
06:32 What to Say to Someone Grieving 
11:09 The Luckiest
25:00 Your Dreams and Goals Can Change
29:00 Joy and Grief
36:00 Micro-Moment #10: Rewire a Fail
39:02 Outro
40:40 Disclaimer 
 
Connect With Us So You Never Miss a Moment of Inspiration:   
 
Visit Our Website   
 
Get Our Best-Selling Book in Paperback   
 
Follow Gravitas on Instagram   
 
Follow Lisa on Instagram   
 
Connect with Lisa on LinkedIn   
 
Follow Gravitas on TikTok 
 
Follow Gravitas on Substack 
 
Suggestions or Questions? Email Us.